New character - Zaifer

Character Name: Zaifer (Or Zai, if you crush on him XD)
How You Heard About The RP Society:: I saw a buncha people on Mabi from it and it looked fun
How Long Have You Been Roleplaying?: Hmm, I think two years? Started on YCM.
Is English Your First Language?: Yes. I mean no. I mean yes. I mean no. I mean technically no. I spoke only Japanese fo the first year I was born, but now speak only English and broken Japanese.
A Short Biography Of Your Character: Um, he's outgoing, and kind, but hides it by acting like the tipical anime emo kid. You know, rude to everyone, always does cool things. His parents were killed by a man with silver hair and blue eyes, and has the power to control lightning (Zaifer doesn't use lightning, the guy who orphanized him does. Just clarifying.) He's not sure how he got to Errin, he just woke up there one day. At first he was planning to find a way back to his world, but after he found his parents killer, he decided to stay a while. He learned how to use twin blades by a person in Errin, and now wants to help them to pay them back, as well as hunt down his parents murderer to stop him from orphanizing more kids.
What type of character do you play?: The badass (excuse my language), fast as light, and kinda impersonal hero ;D Or the kind outgoing guy too. Just speed based and uses veither a great sword (or any sword the size of his body) or twin blades.
What is your Mabinogi schedule?: A couple times a month if I'm lucky. May change by December.

We don't need a Sasuke. He can stay with Naruto.

Also, can you add a little more to the Bio beside his parents being killed? There is no fans girls here, unless you earn them. . Is that man in Erinn as well? Was your character born in Erinn? Is not how did he get here?

Also, please refrain from mentioning Hentai, Yaoi, or Yuri. Unless you have to.

And is he really "fast as light" or is that an expression?

Just a hyperbole. I was aiming more for Haseo, Cloud, or Ichigo too. Ok, I'll edit him.

EDIT: I changed it. If I still need to work on it, please tell me.

I didn't see the first draft and from the comments I think I am glad I missed them.
Normally we just add an update in the thread to add anything but in this case I won't argue the point.

I'll add my own comments after a bit more feedback from the rest of the team.

Personally, I think:

A) it needs to be more specific as far as Person 1, Person 2, Person 3, etc, etc. goes. Just saying "random stranger" doesn't help much at all. For all we know, the unknown person in each scenario could be the same person.

B) it needs spell check. Sorry to be the "Spelling and Grammar Nazi", but "orphanizing" is not a word; and a few other things are throwing me off when reading this as well.

C) I would consider reading the rules and guidelines again, as well as all the links that the thread has. Sometimes things are more comprehensible after the 2nd or 3rd read.

Any update?