Alternative character- Evane

Name: Evane Shenrin
Personality: Cheery, literally laughs in the face a danger.
Age: 22
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 120 lbs.
Bio: Evane grew up as a student of Stewart of Dunbarton, recently graduated, and is now travelling for inspiration on music.
He's always in a good mood, and rarely shows if he's sad. He has Green eyes and brownish hair. He used to live in Emain Macha and played for money, until one day, an elder saw great promise in him and took him to Dunbarton to learn from a magic teacher. You could only tell if he was mad when he stopped smiling.

I can see plenty of room for improvement. The sentence structure needs some work, as it doesn't flow well.

Er, what needs improving?

The idea, in general, also some of the sentence order. It pays to proofread.

Could use some fleshing out. How he grew up, what growing up was like, perhaps something about his family when he had one (or does he still have one, NPC-wise?), does it have any influence on what he is or what he knows now, does he have any plans for his future...that kinda stuff.

What's described here is just a basic overview of what somebody could make off his personality and if maybe asking where to find him. The history part of a bio is something that tells about the person's life story. Like I told you before, try looking at other bios to get reference and an idea of what we're talking about.

Okay, Improve time.



Name: Evane Shenrin
Personality: Cheery, literally laughs in the face a danger.
Age: 22
Height: 5'7"
Weight: 120 lbs.
Bio: Evane was born in a royal family and lived like so for 8 years, until tragedy occurred. It was noontime, and young Evane was in school, unaware of the terrible event.
His mother was in the garden enjoying her book and sipping at her tea, and his father had just finished a poem in his study. A small team of rebels showed up that day, and murdered Evane's father.
Although they were very stealthy, they knocked over a bookcase while they tried to escape the room. The loud crash alerted Lady Shenrin, and she quickly left the garden and hurried to the study.
She arrived at the scene and let out a shriek, but it was quickly interrupted by the rebels quick shot of an arrow. Soon thereafter they left the mansion, and made the mistake of leaving the bodies.
After school, and on his way to home, Evane was halted by the Lord's butler, who was getting groceries. He told Evane the sad news, and the poor boy was devastated. He was relocated to an orphanage, and learned how to fend for himself for 2 years. Sadly, tragedy occurs much too often. It was nighttime, and some thugs decided it would be fun to "lighten the mood" of the scene.. The orphanage was set ablaze, most of the children got out, but not Evane.
Evane was quickly escorted to Errin, (by Nao of course) and his memories were lost to keep him from becoming a thug. He arrived in Tir Chonaill and learned how to play the flute from a traveling bard,
and lived with him for a few years, he soon left by the age of fourteen and went to school with the money he earned by playing the instrument in town. He arrived and signed up for magic school,
and unnaturally learned magic quickly, so Lassar finished up his bolt studies, and recommend him to Stewart. Evane learned less fast under Stewart's wing, but all the same he still learned magic.
Evane finished Stewart's class in 4 years, slow but steadily, and after the classes were over with, Evane became his partner and worked with him for 2 more years. On the day Evane said goodbye to Stewart one day after hearing a bard's wonderful song, Evane wanted to get back to his flute. So now Evane plans to travel Errin for inspiration, but he still visits Stewart every once in a while.

Much better. There's still room to carry the idea further, too.

I'll let you in on a big non-secret: Block paragraphs are useful, and work wonders on the Internet. They keep individual ideas separate by making use of a blank line between them. Otherwise, it's a little harder to read.

Don't forget to proof read what you post. The forum has a preview button you can use to see how it will actually appear.