Zain's Journal.(Edited)

"Well it seems I'm finally understanding different things. Not -everything-, but a few things.
I've been lost in my own mind a lot recently, and I just don't seem to understand how to get out of it.
I had a large hatred towards Hyuponia for unknown reasons, as much as he hurt me, I'd never want him -dead-.
But for some reason, that's all that ever crossed my mind, that burning want for Hyuponia's permanent death.
Maybe it was just because I was so unstable, wanting Hyuponia dead probably seemed right to me because he
was the one that had me placed in that horrible Asylum for a year, Who knows. What I do know though, is my
head and memories aren't so foggy like they were, I remember more of the childhood I had with Hyuponia,
Iraselle, Garaden and Sartcharis, and although I miss it dearly, there's nothing I can do right now to have those fun times again.

Me and Kato have been talking about children, maybe it -is- time I start that family I used to want.
But....What if I hurt them too? Wait, no I'm not suppose to think that way anymore! I have to keep going
on with my life and stop dwelling in the past! I'll ask my mother advice on childcare and birth, and I'll talk to
Kato about it! Ah, I just got a mental image of that. *Giggle* Me coming into the living room to Kato playing
with a little boy a girl. For some reason I like that image, But eh, right now i'm enjoying the peace and quiet
with Kato, we're still newlyweds after all, and Immortal, we can worry about kids some other time! Though
I'm a little curious how my mom would react to us having a kid, would she be happy? Or tell me I'm not
ready? Probably the latter, I definately know i'm not ready, so thank goodness we're both guys for the time being!

Heh...Funny I feel so at ease and peaceful today, I wonder what's gotten into me...Maybe that talk
and fight with Ethice is what I needed. He made me realize the good times I had with Hyuponia, rather
than just focusing on the bad times. It's funny though....Ethice actually told me he was jealous, he wished
I would have come to him more, he told me that -he- should have adopted me, and not some family that's
just ruined me....but honestly, That family didn't ruin me, it was my own mistake that ruined me.
Ah, But the fact Ethice cared, and still cares that much about me makes me feel great....
The other day he was talking to me like he was my father, It was nice of him, and he cheered me up,
but he's more of an uncle. Honestly, Yes I could see him being my dad, but...ah...That'd be weird!
I'm fine with just my mom though...If Hyuponia never excepts me? Then forget him, That's all I have to say!"


"Oh, I should get going, Kato's calling for me. Dinner must be ready. I'll be sure to write more later! Even though, no one should be allowed to read this...."