new member application - thesixthpain

character name:thesixthpain

how i heard:saw guild stone and i noticed it had role playing

is English my first language: yes

biography
is a newb compared to my other its name is based of an anime that i watch
uses all weapons that can be used. is more of a front-line character when it comes to doing dungeons and missions with party's and guild members
is one of my very good characters.he is 17 years of age joined irin on 6/5/2010

what type of character do i play: human

mabanogi schedule: im on whenever i can be

We need more information about the character in regards to role-playing.
Could you provide us with that information?

I agree with Dell. What you have is an ok take of the character from your personal perspective. But what we are really looking for now is more about the character's past or recent encounters. Adventures or relationships with npc's or other players in the game. Get creative and tinker with a few things. If you want an example or two feel free to ask us!

uh i kinda need an ex. couse im new at this whole guild forum thing

Take a look at my old application:
Search 'Dellinger' up in the upper right corner.
Or search 'Sulia' or 'Kitsune' if you'd rather her applications.

Just go for the ones that say 'new member' or 'alternate' or 'bio.'

ive been rping since i was ten.in games such as meez,sheerwood dungeon,dungeons and dragons and i do perticipate in them in real life as well
(dellinger your gust going to have to forgive me iv never been good at this kind of stuff)

also to see some of my rping go here http://www.fanpop.com/spots/bleach-anime/forum/post/56509/title/shinigami-academy

I'm not a council member, but maybe I can put it in terms more clearing.

You need to make a past for the character. Like
'Bio: He was born and raised in Tir as a normal farm boy. His life was utterly boring and he had six siblings. He left his home after a fire ravaged the farm and his parents didn't have enough money to repair it. His goal was adventure. There was money to be had in adventuring, and he wanted in.'

It needs to be one or two sentences long, or you can do what some members do and write a short novel.

The council needs to know who the character is and where he came from. Not what he uses to fight or if he's a front line character. They want to know about his personality and history.

By 'Type of character' they don't mean race. They mean what kind of fighter or person he is.

Examples:
'Type of Character: Naive Farm Boy Trying To Help Everyone'
'Type of Character: Bubbly Girl Who Falls In Love A Tad Too Often'
'Type of Character: A Rash Man Who Will Fight Before Thinking'

They never asked how long you were RPing or for an example~ You need to fill out the form like everyone else does. No amount of experience will make you an acceptance to the rules.
(Also it might help if you say what pages your posts start on and what you name is on that RP site~ Over 10 pages boy and they have no clue who they're looking for))

bio:was born in danburton 17 years ago and was raised as a poor child even tough his family owned a little goods store.then one day he saw a couple of swordsman come into his mothers shop.he became fasinated with the idea of becoming a sward master so one day he up and left his home and went to seek someone who could teach him everything there his to know about a sword and how to use it.

type of charector: a boy seeking to become the best at what he does

oh and the website username: jlazlo post from page 1 to all

I feel that's a decent start, and basic enough to warrant a nod from those of us who admire the normies... Zach for one...
Does the recent addition of his slowly growly motly kru change that fact?

Otherwise, barring mentoring, I'll approve of this.
Just a tip: Try to write a bit more clearly. We know it's the internet, but it's what we do (writing, not the internet). =P

You should replace your old Bio, with the new Bio This will avoid confusion later on *nods*

I'm curious why you choose to write as if you do not know how to spell. The forum you posted from clearly shows that you have a much better understanding of language then your bio exhibits. I'd appreciate a re-write on the bio as your link clearly shows that you are more capable then you put forth.

opps sorry half dead

Zwei Freeheart wrote:uhhhh your messing some grammar like I do all the time

Zwei, please try reading everything in detail before you post.

i used google docs and there where no spelling errors

bio: Seventeen years ago a little boy was born in the town of tir chonail.The kids father was a very rich man,that owned alot of buisnesses.The mother of the child died in an incident when the boy was only ten.On that very sad day the boys mother was walking back from the store with that nights meal.When suddenly two very strange men walk up to her but did not say anything.The boys mother became very scared in wich she tride to walk around one of the men but the man steped in the way.Then the other guy standing next to him, grabed the womens arm very tightly.The women became frightined in wich she began to scream.The other man standing in front of her put his hand over her mouth where, she couldnt scream.Then thay forced her on the ground and began to rape her.

Then suddenly the ten year old boy came around from behind a stack of wood, by then the men had already killed the boys mother, and they where racing toward him to finish the job,but suddenly tha guard steped in and killed both of the men.The guard then escorted the boy to an orphanage where he would spend his remaning days as a adolescent child.

From your Bio it seems that you are making a Tuatha de Danann character, a native to Erinn. This is fine, but there are some things you might want to know about it. Firstly, they can't come back to life. When they die Nao does not come for them, they are just dead. And... No, well, that is actually the biggest thing. Galin plays all Tuatha de Danann characters, he might be able to help you more.

There are still some spelling and grammar mistakes in your bio. Most bothersome, to me, is the way you jump from past to present tense. Pick one and stay with it. The simple solution to the spelling part of the problem is to type your bio out in Word, Open Office, or Google Docs before posting it. These three things all have a spell-check function.

For this reason and your inappropriate conduct [Which I do not believe I need to go in to here, you had several people call you on it when it happened] I do not feel that I can approve you at this time.

been removed

*Ahem*

I think I speak for alot of people, when I say that was kind of pushing it.

Ah, well.

Not for me to decide...

Also, doesn't the boy have a father? What happened to him?

If he's not dead, why would the boy go to an orphanage?

bio: Seventeen years ago a little boy was born in the town of tir chonail.The kids father was a very rich man,that owned alot of buisnesses but comes home every couple of years and is never around.The mother of the child died in an incident when the boy was only ten.On that very sad day the boys mother was walking back from the store with that nights meal.When suddenly two very strange men walk up to her but did not say anything.The boys mother became very scared in wich she tride to walk around one of the men but the man steped in the way.Then the other guy standing next to him, grabed the womens arm very tightly.The women became frightined in wich she began to scream.The other man standing in front of her put his hand over her mouth where, she couldnt scream.Then thay forced her on the ground and began to rape her.

Then suddenly the ten year old boy came around from behind a stack of wood, by then the men had already killed the boys mother, and they where racing toward him to finish the job,but suddenly tha guard steped in and killed both of the men.The guard then escorted the boy to an orphanage where he would spend his remaning days as a adolescent child..

As Dalvar pointed out, please stick with either past tense or presence tense. You switch between a lot.

What is keeping the father from getting a letter saying: ' Your wife died '? I'd suspect the husband would be informed immediately, especially if he was a rich important businessman. I also assume he'd take his child, so how did he end up in the orphanage?

thats all in past tense

thesixthpain wrote:bio: Seventeen years ago a little boy was born in the town of tir chonail.The kids father was a very rich man,that owned alot of buisnesses but comes home every couple of years and is never around.The mother of the child died in an incident when the boy was only ten.On that very sad day the boys mother was walking back from the store with that nights meal.When suddenly two very strange men walk up to her but did not say anything.The boys mother became very scared in wich she tride to walk around one of the men but the man steped in the way.Then the other guy standing next to him, grabed the womens arm very tightly.The women became frightined in wich she began to scream.The other man standing in front of her put his hand over her mouth where, she couldnt scream.Then thay forced her on the ground and began to rape her.

Then suddenly the ten year old boy came around from behind a stack of wood, by then the men had already killed the boys mother, and they where racing toward him to finish the job,but suddenly tha guard steped in and killed both of the men.The guard then escorted the boy to an orphanage where he would spend his remaning days as a adolescent child..

Typos are in Bold
Presence tense are in Italic Bold.

I'd also like to point out that when you end a sentence with a '.' You put a space after it.

Don't feel too discouraged - there are unlimited attempts allowed, just like in game

The bonus is you eventually pick up some skills along the way.

Alright, actual editing remarks for aid in the writing should be dealt in a more private manner than a public one. Besides, not every one is perfect, not even those of us trained in grammar and spelling and do such for a living. The bios should be rated on its merit as well as the other.

Tense shifting is something even professional writers struggle with. This is supposed to be for fun. Not professional. This is supposed to be a start. Not the final say all. There is always room for improvement.

I'm willing to work with you if you would like to "edit" the typos and grammatical needs if you wish, as to be honest, the problems do make it hard to read. But this should be done privately, not publicly.

I'm withholding an approval for now... but I'm willing to help if needed.

Re: new member application
thesixthpain Today at 7:48 pm

.bio: Seventeen years ago a little boy was born in the town of tir chonail.The kids father was a very rich man,that owned a shop but only comes home every couple of years and is never around.The mother of the child died in an incident when the boy was only ten.On that very sad day the boys mother was walking back from the store with that nights meal.When suddenly two very strange men walk up to her but did not say anything.The boys mother became very scared in wich she tride to walk around one of the men but the man got in her in way.Then the other guy standing next to him, grabed the womens arm very tightly.The women became frightined in witch she began to scream.The other man standing in front of her put his hand over her mouth where, she could not scream.Then thay forced her on the ground and began to rape her.

Then suddenly the ten year old boy came around from behind a stack of wood, by then the men had already killed the boys mother, and they where racing toward him to finish the job,then suddenly a guard got in the way and killed both of the men.The guard then escorted the boy to an orphanage where he would spend his remaning days as a adolescent child.