Rylu aplication

Character Name:Rylu
How You Heard About The RP Society: saw the stone
How Long Have You Been Roleplaying? a week o.o
Is English Your First Language? Yes
A Short Biography Of Your Character: Rylu at a young age lost his parents but he dont remember them because he was too young.But one person took him in but works him as a slave.but 1 year later he was killed and Rylu escaped from the fomors.He is now learning about cooking to improve so he can find a new family to love him.
What type of character do you play? Elf. cooking and archer and a little melee.
What is your Mabinogi schedule?[ mostly every week atleast 4 times

I feel it could be built on, but I'll give it a tentative thumbs up considering a mentor evaluates Rylu.
Let's wait for some other opinions. XD

I'm with Dell Needs a little more work. more peoples opinions would be nice

This is normally Kenelm's job, but your writing seems to swing between past and present tense.

Don't take it hard about what I typed below, consider it as a grammatical (grammar-related) reference for when you're making the character profile. The story would be cliched, but you critiqued it to be somewhat original. I don't really know anyone within the society who had that similar storyline, but I raised a tankard to you. Cheers! You are accepted in the society in my perspective; loosen up and you'll survive hell on Erinn. Ha-Ha-Ha!

Optional: If you are looking for mentors, we got many of different styles. If you want a more heavy combat (kinda like the final fantasy movie-styled fights, either flairs or intensity), look up Angron or me. If you want a proper-styled role-play, look up Dellinger. Jinn's available for the basics and I am not aware of any other mentors available at the moment.

Note: I used Microsoft Office Word 2007 to mark the mistakes and to make/mark my own two interpretations of your application. I do not say that I can make a better application, I am saying that, "Here is the mistakes and it is for your own discretion to either improve it or keep it the way it is because you are more comfortable with it."

This is how Word 2007 detected

Rylu wrote:Character Name:Rylu
How You Heard About The RP Society: saw the stone
How Long Have You Been Roleplaying? A week o.o
Is English Your First Language? Yes
A Short Biography Of Your Character: Rylu at a young age lost his parents but he dont remember them because he was too young.But one person took him in but works him as a slave.but 1 year later he was killed and Rylu escaped from the fomors.He is now learning about cooking to improve so he can find a new family to love him.
What type of character do you play? Elf. cooking and archer
What is your Mabinogi schedule?[ mostly every week atleast 4 times

Bolded means grammatical mistakes commonly called Typos.
Italicized means optional fix; it is fine, but you can choose a better way to type it out.

Fixed Version (Jake's First Interpretation/Translation)

Rylu wrote:Character Name: Rylu

How You Heard About The RP Society: Saw the stone

How Long Have You Been Roleplaying? A week o.o

Is English Your First Language? Yes

A Short Biography Of Your Character: Rylu was at a young age when he lost his parents, but he doesn't remember them because he was too young when it happened. One person took Rylu in, but he treated Rylu as a slave. One year later, the person was killed and Rylu escaped from the Fomors. After that, he is now learning to improve his cooking, so he can find a new family, who will love him.

What type of character do you play? Elven cook and archer

What is your Mabinogi schedule? Mostly every week. At least four times

Finalized Version (Jake's Second Interpretation/Translation)

Rylu wrote:Character Name: I am Rylu.

How You Heard About The RP Society: I heard about the RP Society when I saw the RPSociety's guild stone.

How Long Have You Been Roleplaying? I have role-played for a week.

Is English Your First Language? Yes, English is my first language.

A Short Biography Of Your Character: Long ago, Rylu was at an innocently young age when he lost his parents, but he was too young of age when that incident occurred. He has no recollection of his real parents, who may have perish. One man became Rylu's surrogate father after he took Rylu in. The surrogate father treated Rylu poorly comparable to a slave. One year later, the slaving surrogate father was killed in a Fomor attack. Fortunately, Rylu escaped from the attacking Fomors and since then, he is now trying to learn as he is improving in his cooking, hoping that he can find a new family who will treat him better.

What type of character do you play? I played as an Elven cook and archer.

What is your Mabinogi schedule? I played Mabinogi for mostly every week, but at least four times a day or week.

Like Dell, I give this one a tentative thumbs up.
Mostly because he took it onto himself to seek out a Mentor to help him.
This is a very good thing.

Yea let me resend my aplication i had to help a freind make a guild ill come right back.

Yah XD

Jakelvin wrote:Don't take it hard about what I typed below, consider it as a grammatical (grammar-related) reference for when you're making the character profile. The story would be cliched, but you critiqued it to be somewhat original. I don't really know anyone within the society who had that similar storyline, but I raised a tankard to you. Cheers! You are accepted in the society in my perspective; loosen up and you'll survive hell on Erinn. Ha-Ha-Ha!

Your quite thorough for a new bloke. Unfortunately I smell a typo. Its in the red. Unfortunately, nobody is perfect when they first start at something, so dont take any of this as criticism. At least you came up with an alright-y backstory. WHICH we CAN work on, and build upon with the right help.

Good Luck. oh and its a yes from me.

I believe this is a call for Cap.
Oh, Captin, my Captin!

Mmmmyeeees? Oh, its time for another initiate into the guild. Wonderful, wonderful. *oily used car salesman banter*

I'll take care of the paperwork and the mentors will take care of you ... er .... will help look after you as you get settled in.

..........................

Where is the application at the Guild Stone?????

Captincrunch wrote:
Where is the application at the Guild Stone?????

He is in the guild already o.o

OOokay - Cap needs a Vacation.