HOW 2 ARRPEE GEWDZ

A satirical guide by my wonderful friend Verence. I laughed so, so, so hard.
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I decided to write a parody guide for new RPers because... Because. I was bored? I'll probably put it in my journal when it's finished but it feels like it ought to be a bit longer and I'm out of ideas right at the moment. I'll probably back burner it for a while and add stuff as inspiration whacks me upside the head with croquet mallets, but for now, here it is in its incomplete form.

I might post this on the RPC at some point just as a joke troll to see how many people freak out over "OMG HE'S SINGLING ME OUT WTF!" To which I'll respond "Hi! Who are you again? "

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How 2 Arrpee Gewdz (Liek Vurrince)
A guide for the discerning roleplayer

There are many little pitfalls and traps for the unwary in a task as daunting as first breaking into roleplay. How does one carefully balance the all-encompassing badassitude that is character with their stunning good looks, copious material wealth, and widespread popularity? How do they approach a rich and vibrant setting in a way that will best catapult their character into instant fame, fortune, and the adulation of the masses as they heroically save the day? Fear not, because this guide is intended to not only insure you steal the spotlight, but remain firmly fixed in center stage for the rest of your roleplay career!

First, consider your character's backstory. A little tragedy never hurt anyone, and can add pizzazz and interest to any farmboy's life! Having one's small, nameless, off-the-map hamlet burned to the ground by marauding orcs and escaping the flames as a sole survivor is a popular and timeless choice. You will without doubt be among fine company should you choose this backstory element! Alternatively, consider the sole heir to a wealthy noble family who becomes disillusioned with the trappings of wealth and escapes to pursue a life of adventure, at every turn attempting to quash rumors of their high birth and flee the privileges that money and social standing bring.

Above all, remember that the primary goal of backstory is to establish your character as a unique and special individual as possible. Leave ordinary to the NPCs and embrace flamboyance! Divine lineage, royal blood, exotic crossbreeds, high government officials - the ways to distinguish yourself are nearly limitless. Also consider being from a wholly original place not listed anywhere in game lore to truly set yourself apart! Being from a mysterious oriental country to the east much like Japan is a popular choice, and affords you the opportunity to use names that might otherwise be looked askance were they from a less exotic locale. Never fear if other characters from the East present differing views of what it's like; who's to say what such an undefined place is like? There's enough room for everyone's interpretation!

While on the subject of the East, don't be afraid to adopt names, mannerisms, plot elements, and even wholecloth character personalities from your favorite anime for your character! Anime enjoys more popularity in the west now than it ever did, and you're certain to encounter roleplayers who will appreciate and enjoy your clever references. Don't stop there though - novels, TV series, movies, comics, all are excellent sources of ideas to plug into or even base your character on. Just be sure not to change too much, so other fans of your chosen material will be able to recognize and enjoy it as much as you do!

Most fantasy MMO settings have a strongly established religion that shapes the culture and many aspects of peoples' lives. However, keep in mind that your goal is not to be a mindless sheep, but to break the mold. Any forward-thinking, metropolitan adventurer by necessity eschews cultural norms, so be sure to work in a little atheism and disregard or even ignorance of the culture in which the character was raised. Doing so insures that your character has the proper mindset for one of their position and life experience - after all, if they believed everything the NPCs did, wouldn't they be an NPC themselves?

Once you've worked out your character's history, don't hesitate to share it with everyone, far and wide. People love learning more about other characters, and what better way to get to know each other than relating the entirety of your character's past? No situation is inappropriate for such an epic tale, be it a fireside, a tavern, or even a street corner. Get out there and make some friends! Don't shy away from the other side of the coin though; lone wolves are a staple of any story and an excellent choice for a new roleplayer. Their dialogue practically writes itself! A few stern reprimands and cold glares and you are free from the stress of continually having to come up with things to say to other characters and better able to enjoy the ambiance of the roleplay all around you.

Don't be discouraged if no one will talk to you though; a little known fact about roleplaying characters is that they are actually all mildly telepathic! Be sure to make liberal use of emotes to inform everyone of what your character is thinking, how they are feeling, and all the reasons for the things they do. This insures everyone is on the same page and eliminates the possibility of messy misunderstandings that can steal precious in-character time from accomplishing vital personal storyline goals.

Your first goal as a new roleplayer ought to be to establish a romantic relationship with another character. Don't worry if things seem rushed or shallow, you can always fill in minor details later by chatting with the player of your character's amour or, even better, writing romantic fiction then posting it on community forums to share with everyone! Sometimes the key to good roleplaying is method acting, so don't hesitate to fully experience your character's emotions, even when chatting with their lover's player. Every RPer loves to see romance blossom, so don't be shy about RPing it any old place. Once you've established solid relationships with other characters, it's time for the next logical step: ERP! ERP, short for "Erotic Role Play", is a natural extension of the character development that occurs over the course of a roleplayed relationship.

While some may look down their noses at ERP, they fail to realize the wealth of character development opportunities it provides. After all, you can never truly know a person until you 'know' a person. This holds for RP as well, but not just ERP! Every habit, idiosyncracy, and bodily function strengthens your concept of your character. Feel free to RP bathing, brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, and personal grooming. After eating a spicy meal, consider how much gastrointestinal distress your character may experience. Advanced roleplayers may wish to roll 1d20 and emote flatulence after a number of minutes equal to the roll, continuing the rolls until they feel they have sufficiently vented their characterization. Everyone will laud the depth such detail brings to your RP as your character frantically attempts to pass it off on the dog!